Tuesday, July 16, 2013

excited, overwhelmed and humbled

I've just given away this whole post in three words: excited, overwhelmed and humbled. This is how it feels as I am planning our upcoming school year.

Excited. A fresh start, although at times can create anxiety, is almost always exciting. There's the whole bright and shiny aspect (new books, blank to-be-filled-in calendar), which I love. But, there's also the looking back over the past year and deciding what we did that was spot on and worthy to be transferred to the new year and dumping anything that ended up just not working for us. This is my favorite part. I get to reflect on each child and really think about who they are, how they learn and what is the best way to accomplish that. Now, this doesn't mean that we'll get things perfect this next go round. I promise there will be many new thoughts and ideas that seem wonderful now that will get crossed off as time passes, but that just shows that we're constantly learning who we are as individuals and as a family. And that we're open enough to change.

Overwhelmed. If I'm not careful, this emotion can quickly engulf the others. To not call it out, though, would be untruthful. It's a pretty big feeling for me on a regular basis. Really, just to think that I am the one picking and choosing what my kids are going to learn this year. Who am I? What if I miss something vitally important to their learning during these early years? Will we really screw them up that badly by taking their education at this stage in their lives into our own hands? What if I fail? This list goes on. And, ashamedly, what will everyone else think? Now, we can go ahead and scratch that last question off the list because it really has no place here. Who is everyone else anyway? I admit it does cross my mind from time to time.

Humbled. When I do feel overwhelmed by the negative chatter in my head, I know it's [past] time to lay it down and fill my mind with truth. God chose me to be the mother to these children. It's such a blessing. It's also a HUGE responsibility. And not one to be taken lightly by any means. But, I'm imperfect, and there will be times when I do fail them. So, this is where I am humbled, and I ask those questions in a different light. Who am I? I am chosen. I am dearly loved. I am saved by grace. I am redeemed. I am a child of the King. And when I get overwhelmed with those questions, I am placing too much importance on myself. For as much as I love my children, God loves them more. They are His, just as much as I am His. I'm not saying what I do doesn't matter. Oh, it does. But, at the end of the day, when I've done all I can do and it's not enough, I can be assured of the grace freely given though the cross. Now that's humbling.

So, that's where I am today. I was going to put a quick status update on Facebook about how I was excited, overwhelmed and humbled during my planning, but felt compelled to be much more verbose than would be appropriate for a Facebook post. :-)

Back to planning...

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